There is no hard and fast way to fall in love, or to fall out of it.
The hardest part of caring for someone is deciding that it may best to let that love go.
Deep down in our hearts, I reckon we always know when a relationship is hurting us, but our memories of that person or our hopes for a better future often cloud our ability to move forward.
Love is pure, kind and patient, therefore there can be no such thing as a ‘bad’ love or a ‘guilty’ love. In learning to value and respect myself, I can only love those who are prepared to love purely and kindly in return.
This means refusing to accept ‘bad love’, like when someone claims to care about your feelings and aspirations, but constantly tears you down — or ‘guilty love’, like when a person only shows affection that feels more like an obligation or a burden on them.
I’ll tell you bit about when I feel it’s okay to walk away, and how to.
1. It’s okay to walk away when…
Like I said at the start, there is no hard and fast way to know when this is right for you. My general question though is ‘Does this person/thing/activity make me feel like I am/or I should be less of myself?’
There’s a reason lovers often call each other their missing puzzle piece. Good friends, relationships or hobbies should make you feel like you a work of art reaching completion. If you see your life as a beautiful puzzle, does the thing in question taint that puzzle, or are you trying your hardest to make it fit when it clearly isn’t compatible.
Any one or thing that you’re forcing into your life should be dealt with caution. I’ve had close friends, even family members who I feel I’m constantly battling against to make our relationship work. Ultimately, their desire for my puzzle differs wholly from mine, and if they are trying to make me become less of myself in order to receive more of their love, then that love is simply not for me.
If an activity I’m doing is taking me away from my bigger picture, similarly, I have to consider cutting it out. It’s possible to really like something that just isn’t good for you. And it can be terrifying thinking of living without it. In order to be the best version of yourself you have to be honest and not allow ‘bad loves’ for ‘bad’ things to take up precious space in your heart.
2. It’s worth trying to stay when…
Often, negative commitments are indicative of deeper issues.
Are you trying to hold on to that boyfriend because you don’t want people to say I told you so? Are you keeping that friend (who isn’t really your friend because you know she talks about you behind your back) because you don’t want to feel alone?
If the reason that you want to stay is fear of letting go, then it probably isn’t worth it.
True love isn’t driven by fear and negative thoughts. It becomes worth staying when you have positive things left to fight for — they give you peace, they’re working to be better, it gives you purpose. Sometimes knowing when to stay and fight is just as hard as knowing when to leave.
Walking away is rarely a physical act for me, rather a re-ordering of my priorities, commitments and convictions. See it as a mental exercise where you can focus on…
Questioning the aspects of your life that do not respect and value your unique worth.
Choosing wisely the things that deserve love and attention.
Letting go of the past by forgiving yourself and others.
Becoming the best version of you.
Walk towards greatness.